Winter; A Guide

Well, judging from the current temperature in Montreal, WINTER IS COMING! As much as some of us would like to cling to fall (which has actually been quite temperate and pleasant), we all know that fall is pretty much over and soon it will start snowing. So this is my survival guide to Montreal winters:

1) If you walk outside for more than a few steps per day (basically if you don't have a car or parking is scarce) DO NOT buy winter boots that you actually like. Do not expect to wear your boots for more than one or two winters at best unless you take care and wash them very frequently. In Montreal, instead of plowing and removing the snow, they simply throw salt at it. Throughout the day, salty snow melts into small salty slush oceans at every street corner and your boots will inevitably look like this at the end of the season:

2) For god's sake if you take the metro dress in layers. The metro is maintained at a constant temperature of about 35 degrees (celsius!) year round and you will literally die if you don't have layers of clothing that you can peel off your already sweat-drenched body and try to cool yourself off by standing under the ceiling vents that blow hot air at your head.

3) If you live in an apartment with hot water heating that you DO NOT CONTROL (as is, thank god, no longer the case for me), it might help to put a thermometer in your apartment so that when you complain to your landlord that it's time to switch on the heat and that you've been sleeping in your snowsuit, you can give them a precise measurement of just how inappropriately cold it is in your apartment. This gives greater credibility to your claims. I don't make any promises as to the effectiveness of this technique however, since it is a well-known fact that most Montreal landlords are either sub-retarded or evil minions of Satan.

4) Keep your expectations low. I know we all get excited for the first snowfall, but try not to. Any snow that falls will turn brownish-grey not long after hitting the ground. This can lead to feeling dispirited. If you spend up all your winter-happiness at the beginning of the season, you will have a hard life in February. Try to keep some of that excitement for March, or even April, when you can't see the sense in life anymore after we've had ANOTHER late-season snowstorm.

Basically, it is scarily cold today (already, sigh) and I just wanted to wish you all good luck, and remember, in only 9 months we will all be complaining about how damn hot and humid it is in this city! YAY!

P.S. Do you want to see snow that doesn't become brownish-grey almost instantly? I recommend the Eastern Townships (it's my favorite place to look at virginal, WHITE snow) :)